The Part I Never Planned

There are parts of this story that are exciting to tell.

And then there are parts that are harder.

This is one of those.

As I've shared before, Applied Attachment was never supposed to be Applied Attachment Counseling and Consulting.

It was simply going to be Applied Attachment Consulting.

The counseling part wasn't part of the original plan.

Its story has a more painful beginning.

I've debated whether to write this blog at all.

Doing therapy is deeply personal. For years, people have trusted me with the most vulnerable parts of their stories. Their fears. Their grief. Their relationships. Their hope.

It feels only fair that if I'm inviting you into the story of Applied Attachment, I share a little of mine too.

Not all of it.

Just enough.

One of the very first consulting opportunities I had was with the teachers and staff at my children's elementary school.

That day mattered to me.

It wasn't just another training.

It was a chance to give something back to the people who spend their days helping children feel seen, safe, challenged, and known.

The school year had been difficult.

Not just at our school, but at many schools.

Teachers were tired.

Staff were carrying more than anyone realized.

My hope was simple.

I wanted them to remember that what they do matters.

That teachers aren't simply educators.

They are attachment figures.

Every day they become a secure base for children who need encouragement, consistency, comfort, boundaries, curiosity, and belief.

As we talked together, something beautiful happened.

People were honest.

Really honest.

They shared what had been hard.

They talked about what they needed.

They listened to one another.

Without planning it, together we created something that every attachment researcher would recognize.

A safe relationship.

Not because the problems disappeared.

But because people felt safe enough to tell the truth.

I left that training deeply encouraged.

Then I drove to my own job.

And within moments, I experienced something I still struggle to put into words.

Nothing dramatic happened.

There wasn't a confrontation.

There wasn't a speech.

There wasn't one defining event.

It was quieter than that.

A moment.

A look.

A feeling.

But attachment teaches us that sometimes the smallest moments communicate the biggest messages.

In an instant, I realized the safe space I had just helped create for someone else no longer existed for me.

Something shifted that afternoon.

Not all at once.

But enough that I couldn't pretend I hadn't felt it.

One of the hardest truths attachment teaches us is that our nervous systems are constantly asking a simple question:

Am I safe here?

Sometimes the answer changes slowly.

Sometimes it changes in a single moment.

That day, mine changed in a single moment that reorganized a thousand moments before and after.

People often ask why I started my own practice.

They assume it was because I wanted to be my own boss or because I had always dreamed of opening a private practice.

The truth is...

I hadn't.

What I wanted was to continue doing the work I loved in environments where secure relationships weren't just something I taught—they were something I experienced.

And there was grief in that realization.

I wasn't just grieving what I was leaving. I was grieving the future I had imagined myself being part of.

Applied Attachment Counseling and Consulting wasn't born because I was running toward private practice.

It was born because I could no longer ignore what my own nervous system was telling me.

Just as birth holds both anticipation and labor...

Just as new beginnings often require endings...

Creating Applied Attachment meant holding excitement and grief at the same time.

There was deep sadness in leaving people I loved.

There was uncertainty.

There was loss.

But there was also hope.

Because attachment has taught me something I now believe with my whole self:

Healing doesn't happen because we avoid painful endings.

Healing happens when we have the courage to move toward relationships where we can once again feel secure.

Applied Attachment Counseling and Consulting exists because I wanted to build the kind of place I believe every person deserves to experience.

A place where therapy clients feel known.

A place where organizations learn to create psychological safety.

A place where leaders grow into secure bases.

A place where people don't have to choose between doing meaningful work and belonging.

I never planned for counseling to be part of the name.

Looking back, though...

I think it was always part of the story.